1. What song are currently listening to?
Question 1 and the grammatical tomfoolery has already ensued…
2. Are you in a relationship?
I prefer to be a part of a relationship, in makes it seem… committed
3. When was the last time you were truly happy?
Truly? When I heard we were 1,693 days into Bush’s Mission Accomplished in Iraq
4. Do you wish you can go back and change things?
No, I’d probably fuck something up trying to make it better
5. Do you wish you were back in middle school?
People who were cool in Junior High are total losers now… yes, I am talking about you. Loser!
6. So, tell us who do you love?
I love myself. It’s not easy. We battle, we brawl, we poke at each other for trivial nonsense but she is my one and only… ::le sigh::
7. Do you have a cell phone?
Do you want to pay my bill?
8. If so what kind?
KRZR cuz im KRZY… by law if you own a KRZR you have to spell KRZY like that.
9. Do you wish you were someone else?
I wish I were Britney. A day in her life must be a total mind fuck. I’m in!
10. Have you ever lost someone close to you? frendship wise?
Yeah, and when they left they took the blanket we were sharing and then I got cold.
11. What would you do if some random person came up and hit on you?
I’d make out with them. Right there.
12. Did you grow up in a good home?
Home? If you call a refrigerator box a “good home”. But it was nice. We made do… it’s those things that make me strong woman I am today.
13. So, you got any siblings?
I do.
14. If so how many?
How many can I legally put here…
15. If you could get one thing pierced what would it be?
George Bush’s testicles.
16. When's your birthday?
The day the heaven’s rain gold upon the meek earth… or Oct. 14th
17. Do you see yourself going to college?
I’ve seen myself in college… incredible!
18. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Miserable… I want to bask in my miserableness.
19. If you could drop out of highschool would you?
Dude, I would so not pass math if I went back right now… I barely passed when I was there.
20. What's your favorite band?
Rubber
21. Do you have a best friend?
No, I am a vagrant.
22. Are you close with your family?
We hug at the appropriate times.
23. Do you like school?
sure… the fact it cost me 8 million dollars to go, no
24. Are you the same person you were back in 7th grade?
I’m starting to think this survey was created by someone who barely reached the age of 15
25. You just found out you have one month to live, what do you do?
wreak havoc among the city and die an eternal legend in the middle of Columbus circle
26. Name two things you CAN NOT wait to do.
like totally go to the prom and um… get a boyfriend. Fer shure!
27. What would you do if you found out your BEST FRIEND and GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND are going out behind ur back?
I would totally ask to join. I hate being left out.
28. Do you think you'll end up on Maury or Jerry Springer?
give me the right amount of money and I can play white trash better than anyone!
29. Do you look forward to another day?
No… I’d prefer if we all lived one continuous day… nothing to look forward to… ever…
30. What is one reason you go to school?
To hit on hot teachers.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
The 2007 Awards
1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
The Shanster and the Nic-Face-Killer for the summer of the Century & anyone who drinks at the Gaslight... I <3>
2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend)
By default Shanny, cuz she's family... but Nic b/c she's not family... & Oprah for always being there at 4pm everyday with a positive message on life.
3) NEWCOMER AWARD - FAVORITE "NEWEST" FRIEND?
Chiara... even though we've lived in the same building for 17 years our lives just crossed paths & Vanessa Hudgens for making me realize that it's not ok to lend friends pictures of yourself in lingere.
3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Quitting the WWE, VEGAS... VEGAS, VEGAS, VEGAS & Lindsay Lohan going into rehab and replacing drugs with sleeping with married men who also have addictions...
4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Breaking my foot in an 8 inch stripper heels... & Britney putting out a new CD
5) BEST HOLIDAY?
July 4th rocked the face off any holiday this year & Kwanzaa, the Menorah totally overshadows the Kinara
6) YOUR SONG FOR 2007
WASTED by Carrie Underwood, PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR by Shop Boys& anything Amy Winehouse sung too fucked up for her fans to even understand
7) MOVIE FOR 2007?
SAW IV - Awesome & All 4,327 DVD's WWE produced on anything from TLC Matches to Announcers Hair Do's Through the Years
Questions 8 & 9 have opted to not be a part of this years survey
10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Actually Valentines Day brought upon a horrendous snow storm which i drove in with a broken foot... i spent that night with my Samara, Dan and Andrew... & God b/c without him love would be just a battlefield
11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
none & Whitney Houston for realizing Bobby Brown is worthless... until next year when she needs a fix.
12) BEST FLING?
All of them & Whoever Britney is pregnant by.
13) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
an 80's punk rock chick...
14) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
Whoever thought it was a fabulous idea to build a Chili's in Glendale. Thank u, thank u my friend. & TMZ for filming drunk chicks beat each other up outside HYDE in LA... makes my Monday fly right by.
15) BOOK OF THE YEAR?
Good In Bed... fantastic! & this is a pretty dry question.
16) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Quitting the WWE and moving on with my life... & Nicole Richie eating again for the sake of her unborn baby.
17) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Moving out on my own & beggin Paris Hilton to not procreate.
18) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Shan and I arguing at an open bar... who argues at an open bar? honestly? & The Spice Girls deciding to go back on tour.
19) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
Still Grey's... speaks to the soul... but Dexter is really catching on... & whoever cancelled Viva Laughlan, big thumbs up.
20) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
All of my friends are loyal... Shanny, Nic, Samara, Chiara, Jen... I guess i have to throw my brother in there too... & K-Fed for making me realize there are good men out there.
21) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Realizing my worth & the ozone layer for melting the earth into what will soon become a giant puddle with just the tip of Mt. Everest for all to reside.
22) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD?
They know who they are...& OJ for being cleared of murdering 2 people and THEN getting re-arrested for burglary...
23) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Keep on Truckin' & not get pregnant
The Shanster and the Nic-Face-Killer for the summer of the Century & anyone who drinks at the Gaslight... I <3>
2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend)
By default Shanny, cuz she's family... but Nic b/c she's not family... & Oprah for always being there at 4pm everyday with a positive message on life.
3) NEWCOMER AWARD - FAVORITE "NEWEST" FRIEND?
Chiara... even though we've lived in the same building for 17 years our lives just crossed paths & Vanessa Hudgens for making me realize that it's not ok to lend friends pictures of yourself in lingere.
3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Quitting the WWE, VEGAS... VEGAS, VEGAS, VEGAS & Lindsay Lohan going into rehab and replacing drugs with sleeping with married men who also have addictions...
4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Breaking my foot in an 8 inch stripper heels... & Britney putting out a new CD
5) BEST HOLIDAY?
July 4th rocked the face off any holiday this year & Kwanzaa, the Menorah totally overshadows the Kinara
6) YOUR SONG FOR 2007
WASTED by Carrie Underwood, PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR by Shop Boys& anything Amy Winehouse sung too fucked up for her fans to even understand
7) MOVIE FOR 2007?
SAW IV - Awesome & All 4,327 DVD's WWE produced on anything from TLC Matches to Announcers Hair Do's Through the Years
Questions 8 & 9 have opted to not be a part of this years survey
10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Actually Valentines Day brought upon a horrendous snow storm which i drove in with a broken foot... i spent that night with my Samara, Dan and Andrew... & God b/c without him love would be just a battlefield
11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
none & Whitney Houston for realizing Bobby Brown is worthless... until next year when she needs a fix.
12) BEST FLING?
All of them & Whoever Britney is pregnant by.
13) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
an 80's punk rock chick...
14) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
Whoever thought it was a fabulous idea to build a Chili's in Glendale. Thank u, thank u my friend. & TMZ for filming drunk chicks beat each other up outside HYDE in LA... makes my Monday fly right by.
15) BOOK OF THE YEAR?
Good In Bed... fantastic! & this is a pretty dry question.
16) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Quitting the WWE and moving on with my life... & Nicole Richie eating again for the sake of her unborn baby.
17) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Moving out on my own & beggin Paris Hilton to not procreate.
18) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Shan and I arguing at an open bar... who argues at an open bar? honestly? & The Spice Girls deciding to go back on tour.
19) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
Still Grey's... speaks to the soul... but Dexter is really catching on... & whoever cancelled Viva Laughlan, big thumbs up.
20) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
All of my friends are loyal... Shanny, Nic, Samara, Chiara, Jen... I guess i have to throw my brother in there too... & K-Fed for making me realize there are good men out there.
21) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Realizing my worth & the ozone layer for melting the earth into what will soon become a giant puddle with just the tip of Mt. Everest for all to reside.
22) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD?
They know who they are...& OJ for being cleared of murdering 2 people and THEN getting re-arrested for burglary...
23) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Keep on Truckin' & not get pregnant
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
You Will Enter The Shrine of the Silver Monkey
Back in the early 90’s when all I would watch was Nickelodeon there was a show called Legends of the Hidden Temple and if you can remember there was a talking rock named Olmec. Now when I was 11 I would have sawed my mother in half to be on the show. I thought nothing was cooler than racing into the Temple and seizing the lost artifact and saving the day, but alas I never did get that opportunity.
About 12 years later my brother and I, after partaking in a little herbal tea ritual, sat around the TV squinty eyed polishing off mozzarella sticks when we came upon this channel that funneled me back to an age of innocence, Nickelodeon GaS. Incredible, right before my very eyes was this show, Legend of the Hidden Temple. Of course I now would not make it through any of the physical challenges what with the height requirement and all but still exciting non-the-less.
Now to anyone who remembers this show all I have to say is, Shrine of the Silver Monkey and you know exactly what I mean. Yeah… Now those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, let me break it down. Once you beat off a few teams declare yourself the most awesome duo, yada yada, you get to actually go into the Temple and find the artifact and it was like somehow this game was rigged that it would force you to at some point in your quest enter the shrine of the silver monkey which was the hardest fucking room in the whole game… honestly, these kids prior to entering this shrine would pass over a pool in a tire swing, balance themselves on a sea saw juggling jackhammers, throw boulders at on coming trains, all kinds of crazy physical shit, then they get to this shrine and all they have to do is grab three pieces, three… one, two, three, bring them to this perch and build the monkey. But for the love of god most of these kids could not do it. I mean I’ve seen people lose just because of that room just because they can’t assemble a fucking silver monkey in a shrine.
So anyway we’re watching this show and these kids who like 10 minutes before were dodging bullets and donkey punching prostitutes get into the temple and they are on a freaking roll, all they have to do is get to this one room grab the lost necklace from the Naked Aztec God of Mt. STD and bring it back and what happens…
Yep…
This bitch walks into the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Now there is still :58 left on the clock so this chick can easily assemble this monkey, grab the necklace and win her way to NASA Space Camp or a pair of Huffy bikes or some shitty BK Knight sneakers but noooooooooo… she grabs the bottom piece and puts it on the ledge then goes to put on the second piece and it’s upside down…
UPSIDE DOWN
And she’s jamming it and hitting it and my brother and I start screaming “TURN IT OVER… FOR THE LOVE OF ALL SILVER MONKEY’S TURN THE SHIT OVER” and we’re getting so aggravated that if I could have crawled into the TV and beat her with that silver monkey head I would have… and the clock is ticking and she’s still slamming this piece which is obviously not fitting properly into the base and her partner starts screaming and I am sweating. Sweating… A game show that took place 11 years ago is making me sweat…
The clock ticks down and she loses… she loses in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. She never collects the necklace and Mt. STD remained active forever and now 1 in 4 of us is infected with the herp.
I hope she is really proud of herself
About 12 years later my brother and I, after partaking in a little herbal tea ritual, sat around the TV squinty eyed polishing off mozzarella sticks when we came upon this channel that funneled me back to an age of innocence, Nickelodeon GaS. Incredible, right before my very eyes was this show, Legend of the Hidden Temple. Of course I now would not make it through any of the physical challenges what with the height requirement and all but still exciting non-the-less.
Now to anyone who remembers this show all I have to say is, Shrine of the Silver Monkey and you know exactly what I mean. Yeah… Now those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, let me break it down. Once you beat off a few teams declare yourself the most awesome duo, yada yada, you get to actually go into the Temple and find the artifact and it was like somehow this game was rigged that it would force you to at some point in your quest enter the shrine of the silver monkey which was the hardest fucking room in the whole game… honestly, these kids prior to entering this shrine would pass over a pool in a tire swing, balance themselves on a sea saw juggling jackhammers, throw boulders at on coming trains, all kinds of crazy physical shit, then they get to this shrine and all they have to do is grab three pieces, three… one, two, three, bring them to this perch and build the monkey. But for the love of god most of these kids could not do it. I mean I’ve seen people lose just because of that room just because they can’t assemble a fucking silver monkey in a shrine.
So anyway we’re watching this show and these kids who like 10 minutes before were dodging bullets and donkey punching prostitutes get into the temple and they are on a freaking roll, all they have to do is get to this one room grab the lost necklace from the Naked Aztec God of Mt. STD and bring it back and what happens…
Yep…
This bitch walks into the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Now there is still :58 left on the clock so this chick can easily assemble this monkey, grab the necklace and win her way to NASA Space Camp or a pair of Huffy bikes or some shitty BK Knight sneakers but noooooooooo… she grabs the bottom piece and puts it on the ledge then goes to put on the second piece and it’s upside down…
UPSIDE DOWN
And she’s jamming it and hitting it and my brother and I start screaming “TURN IT OVER… FOR THE LOVE OF ALL SILVER MONKEY’S TURN THE SHIT OVER” and we’re getting so aggravated that if I could have crawled into the TV and beat her with that silver monkey head I would have… and the clock is ticking and she’s still slamming this piece which is obviously not fitting properly into the base and her partner starts screaming and I am sweating. Sweating… A game show that took place 11 years ago is making me sweat…
The clock ticks down and she loses… she loses in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. She never collects the necklace and Mt. STD remained active forever and now 1 in 4 of us is infected with the herp.
I hope she is really proud of herself
Remember When They Wanted You To Pay Your Bills
I just paid the second set of my bills this month.... Jesus... if paying bills wasn't bad enough, ya know what kills me? How when you go to pay a bill online now you first have to answer security questions... Bitch, I don't want to pay MY bills why would ANYONE ELSE want to pay them... you can't even get account info online, so WHAT are we wasting my time for... what are they going to do? Over pay my credit card bills, Oh, the Humanity... and to those who sit around and try to figure out my first pets name and my mom’s middle name, my favorite teacher and sexual position, you are lame, get a real job. The Gap is hiring... And while we are at it I've decided that I no longer want my degree. I have it, intact, and I want to give it back. Please absolve my debt and take this piece of paper. It clearly has done nothing but put me further into debt. People don't even know the school I went t,o I could totally just make it up. “Yes, I went to Harvard. The Harvard in Connecticut, it's a satellite campus. Just as good, just not in Boston.”
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I'm A Lifesaver
I am not a lifeguard I am a lifesaver
Everyday I save myself from not drowning in drama, paperwork, bullshit and insanity.
And why is it called a lifeguard, you don't guard you save, if you guarded people, people wouldn't need you to save them at all...
I'm a lifesaver, bitches!
Everyday I save myself from not drowning in drama, paperwork, bullshit and insanity.
And why is it called a lifeguard, you don't guard you save, if you guarded people, people wouldn't need you to save them at all...
I'm a lifesaver, bitches!
Jobs and Men
I always laugh at how well I can land a job but I can't land a man...
Well, that's not necessarily true.
I can land a man, just not a good one.
As for my job, it ain't that great either.
But unlike a man, my job pays me.
Well, that's not necessarily true.
I can land a man, just not a good one.
As for my job, it ain't that great either.
But unlike a man, my job pays me.
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